12 Tips for a more Empowering Postpartum Experience

It is becoming more common for mothers to take their births into their own hands. We spend time carefully planning our birth, from whether or not we want it to be medicated to what music we want playing. We do loads of research and make detailed birthing plans. It is so important and empowering to see women embracing childbirth in this way!

And I think it is equally important to put as much planning and thought into your postpartum recovery.

Even if everything in your birth plan went perfectly, recovery is no joke- not to mention the fact that 32% of births are c-sections, which are major surgeries. After you give birth, your body and your hormones are hard at work and you are experiencing a massive change. However, your postpartum time can still be empowering for you and your new little family!

I am so thankful that I had an incredible recovery with Rowan. I felt so bonded to him, breastfeeding went smoothly and I did not experience baby blues. (And guess what? It was still hard!) I know some of that is just luck of the draw, but I also know that I could not have had such a peaceful 4th trimester without the help, advice and support of my husband and of the women in my life. So I accumulated all of the advice that helped me, along with my own advice from having Rowan, for how to take care of your needs and be confident in your motherhood during your postpartum recovery.

Alright, let's put those 3rd trimester nesting instincts into play and PLAN, shall we?

1. Plan on staying in bed with your baby for AT LEAST a week.

AT LEAST a week. And I mean only leave to walk or go to the doctor. (I didn't feel back to myself until six weeks PP!) For some women, especially women with more children, I know this seems impossible. I know I'm clueless as to how hard that can be to pull off. This is where planning in advance comes in. Plan with your husband and loved ones so that your children and meals are taken care of and you can be in bed with that baby. Plan activities to do with your toddler in your bed. Stock up on library books and movies for your older kids. Call the sweet old lady from Church who always offers to babysit. Make it happen. Stay in bed.

BECAUSE...

2. Spend time getting to know your baby

Your relationship with your new baby is just like any relationship: it requires time spent together. You need time to learn who this new little person is! So, stay in bed and learn your baby's different cries. Pick up on his hunger cues. Figure out his favorite positions to be held in. Tackle the learning curve of breastfeeding. Get your happy, bonding hormones going with some skin to skin. All of these are ways to get to know your baby. It is discouraging to feel like you don't know your baby and you don't know what you are doing- a feeling you will probably still have. Minimize that feeling by staying in bed with your focus on your little one to conquer those fears, build confidence, and most importantly, BOND!

3. Make freezer meals ahead

So many women posted in my facebook groups for moms about making freezer meals ahead of time and I was like HA- my mom is coming! I don't need freezer meals!

LOL.

My mom left two weeks after Rowan was born and guess what? I still didn't feel like a human again. Freezer meals would have been awesome because then I wouldn't have had to worry about grocery shopping or making dinner, which would have given me more recovery time with my new baby! So this time, I am making freezer meals. Make double your meals for a few weeks before baby comes and freeze half!

Gorgeous meal from my sister-in-law after my mom left. We were so thankful!

4. If you are planning on breastfeeding, TAKE A BREASTFEEDING CLASS

I cannot stress this enough. It was actually more helpful than our birthing class. Learn what to look for in your baby's latch and if it's not perfect right away, CORRECT IT over and over until it's right. And then double check your latch with a lactation consultant and your mom and your sister and anyone who has breastfed a baby. A bad latch = painful breastfeeding = baby not getting food = fussy, hungry baby which can lead to infections and postpartum depression. Breastfeeding can drastically change your postpartum experience! Figuring out breastfeeding = bonding, happy hormones and confidence. :) Take the dang class and take notes.

5. Stay in your pajamas for your guests

I received this advice before Rowan and I will never forget it! People are going to be so sweet and they are going to want to meet your baby, which is wonderful! But you are going to be tired. It is not your job to entertain people who want to visit. Wearing your pajamas can set the tone that this is not a "normal" visit- and it will hopefully ensure that others are respectful of your time and your needs. It's so nice for you not to feel pressure to "get ready" unless you want to!

6. Make your husband your bouncer

(Of course this job can be for anyone- significant other, trusted loved one or family member. I always say husband because Ian was my biggest support. Dads, never forget that you have such an important role during this time as well! )

If he can, let your husband communicate with guests to coordinate visits and meals. I think it's easy for a new mom to feel bad about saying no because you want to share your beautiful child! But sometimes you and the baby have other needs. Communicate with your spouse about how you are feeling and what you are up for. Let him relay those messages. Let him just protect you from the outside world for a little while during your baby bonding time. :)

*ALSO* You may be way more social than me and want to have people over a lot! Which is also awesome! Just make sure you don't push it and you communicate your needs.

7. Keep the books and movies positive

Between the sleep disturbances, the crazy life change and the hormones, this may not be a time to start binge watching Breaking Bad or reading My Sister's Keeper. Keep it light. I started The Office to keep things positive when I was getting up in the middle of the night to breastfeed Rowan. It kept me laughing during the hard first nights!

8. Treat yourself

Your first shower after giving birth may be filled with emotions. Your baby is no longer inside of you, and for the first time in 9 months, your womb is empty. You may feel like you don't recognize your new body at first. Treating yourself to a good smelling lotion, nice pajamas/loungewear, skin masks, or any kind of self care is a way to honor the strength and beauty of your postpartum body.

9. Try not to feel the pressure to "bounce back" before you are ready

There will come a time when you randomly think you are back to normal, and then you do all the things and then you cry. Ian's birthday was two weeks after Rowan was born and I decided that I hadn't just had a baby and I didn't need to sleep. So, during all of Rowan's naps I made a birthday dinner and cinnamon rolls from scratch. And I cleaned the house. Ian was at work so he couldn't even stop me and make me order a dang pizza. I soon realized I wasn't back to normal, I had a crying baby and I was sore and tired. And I cried. I think almost every mom has a story like this- my mom went to the mall to buy my grandma a birthday gift three days after giving birth to her 5th. And she cried too. Listen to your body and give yourself grace. Ian would much rather have had a pizza and not a distressed wife.

10. Know that any emotion you may feel is OK

*I am obviously not talking about thoughts of harming yourself or others. This should be treated immediately by a healthcare professional. *

Your hormones can put you through a flood of different emotions for weeks to months after you've had your baby. The difficulty is not to let these emotions make you feel guilty or discourage you from confidence in your motherhood. New mothers can be distraught that they feel sad or angry and think that this makes them a "bad mom" for not feeling the way they are "supposed to feel". This is one of the ways women spiral into depression, because they feel insufficient as a mother due to the emotions they can't help. Your range of emotions aren't good or bad- they are just there. They don't define you as a mother or your love for your child. And they will pass. Make sure you have a good listener to talk to about your feelings- maybe that bouncer husband of yours.

11. Make sure your spouse/loved ones know the signs and symptoms of PPD

A lot of people don't understand what postpartum depression is or what the symptoms are. How nice would it be if your husband and loved ones could also be on the lookout for your mental health? This page by Mayo clinic is a great resource to read with your support system before you have a baby just to know what to watch out for! It also explains the difference between the "baby blues" and actual PPD.

* If you feel like you are getting some more severe baby blues or anxiety, it is so important to seek help from a professional right away. You can start with your OBGYN or Midwife and they will direct you from there. I have not personally experienced this but countless women do and seeking help is the bravest and healthiest thing you can do for yourself and your baby!

12. ENJOY!!!!

Soon your baby's head won't smell like "baby" and they will be too independent to snuggle. This time goes by so fast. Soak it all up and let it be ingrained in your memory- it's truly one of the most blissful seasons of life. That's why we decided to do it all over again in the next couple of months! Wish us luck!

Bonus tip: When you do feel back to normal, support other moms after they have had babies

Look around in your community/parish/friends/family to see who might need help during their postpartum recovery. You don't have to do much- just offer to bring a meal or babysit for a couple of hours. These are little things that can make a huge difference.

Happy postpartum, mamas! You got this!